Tell Me I'm Crazy; Pinch Me, I'm Dreaming

As i sit here in my little box.  My custom made box.  My little box.  My just for me box.  My it's all about me box.  I sit.  I sit surrounded by people that I love.  By friends and family.  By cats and dogs actually.  Remnants of love really.  I sit with struggle.  I sit with real life struggle.  I struggle with my brothers.  I struggle with my past.  I struggle with the family.  I struggle with struggle.  The fuck is a struggle anyway?  Just look at the fucking word.  That fucking word is a struggle!  DAMN IT!!!

Anyway... Now see... I just thought about going back and deleting that last bit.  But this is soliloquies so you just get mes. 

Back to why I began writing.  I am looking around the world and I see rioting in other countries.  Lot's of them.  I wonder in my head...   Man, what the fuck is going on in this WORLD????  I think Jesus Christ, please tell me that I'm dreaming all this shit up.  Please tell me that none of this makes sense.  Please tell me that money is not so fucking important.  That people are just standing by and watching people DIE for it. 

Money isn't shit.  Let me tell you how I know.  Let me tell you from my own personal experience.  I want it to be known.  MONEY ISN'T SHIT!!!!  This is my story.  I will exagerate... that's a human flaw.  Look in the mirror you arrogant fuck!

Past:

Was born in the middle of no where in 1980.  That middle of no where is known amongst a few elites as the 495.  That's the E in me.  Anyways, I got to make this make sense so I'll leave the Epidimic lore out of it. 

I was born.  I went to school like a good boy.  While I was there I learned.  I learned a lot.  I love learning.  I learned that I was FREE.  They taught me that.  They really did to and I believed every word.  They taught me about justice.  I got to watch a video on the Bill of Rights.  I was singing fucking "We didn't start the fire.... It was always burning since the world was turning"  That was history class for me.  Laughable now, when I look back.  But man I enjoyed school.  I loved being around my friends.  Our town was small so we all knew everybody.  You know how that is?  If you don't then FUCK YOU.  Because in my small town I WAS free. 

I went through a lot of silly shit when I was small.  I was pissed off and all.  I'm sure lots of people went through silly shit though... And I'm not looking for a fucking pity party so I'll move on.  I just wanted to bring us to the point that at one point I turned into a bully.  And to those I bullied.  I apologize.  Really.  To all those I've wronged... I'm sorry.  I am.  I'm short... what the fuck do you expect? 

But I loved my town man.  All the people in it too.  I was friends with everybody it seemed.  It didn't seem.  It was real.  Cause that's how small towns work.  But then one day a friend of a friend of mine came to school and was wearing a 666 shirt.  Yeah some fucking White Zombie shirt or something and he got kicked out of school.  Well now.. I didn't take kindly to this kind of rediculous shit.  Not because I was down with the big bad boogie man himself or anything.  But because some fucking lady named Mrs. Lyons told me "We have freedom in this country.  Freedom of this freedom of that and freedom of Religion."  I remembered that like instant.  Bam... I say to another friend of mine.  "MC"  That's what I'm going to call him.  "MC,  How is it that this dude can just be kicked right the fuck out of school for wearing a 666 shirt... While fucking ol Pea Bug Dickie Dumbass can wear a shirt with Jesus doing 1 handed push ups with a crucifix on his back?"

Then I remembered... I mean it hit me like a fucking ton of bricks.  I remembered Mrs. Lyons 73 year old ass lips in slow motion.  Teaching away the way she did.  "Freedom of Protest".....  Light Bulb moment.  Man I'll tell ya... Me and MC jumped in his truck and we went down to the Dollar General and we bought shirts.  A shit ton of shirts and red paint.  We took those shirts to his house and we painted 666 on them... I was going to protest this shit.  I mean... It's the way shit gets changed right... I mean Mrs. Lyons wasn't really lying was she?  No, not her... this shit had to work.

We got to school and we passed them out to our fellow young community thug life compadres and they wore them.  For like 4 minutes til their nuts tucked.  Yeah busters... your nuts tucked.  Now again... I'm no fucking Satan worshiper.... that's fucking ludicrious.... But I am an American... Right???? 

This all during my 2nd year of high school by the way....  Anyhow... So they march me straight to the Principals office and they sit me down.  They proceed to tell me that we in fact do not have freedom of religion... now this blew my fucking mind out.  Shattered it.  I could not believe what I was hearing... He was calling that 72 year old woman a fucking liar.  Mrs. Lyons... Fucking irony for ya.    So they call my mom.  Who by the way is the most beautiful woman I know.  And fuck you if you don't love your mom you piece of shit.... I mean... you know.. barring some crazy Cut off your baby arms type of mom shit. 

Getting on with it...  They expell me... REally?  And that isn't even shit... the point is.. they take me and my mother into a "court" with the school board.... No legal representation... none of it.  Just... Bang... you are done you freedom loving Commi.  Bam...  Now... Think about that for a minute. 

TUNE IN FOR PART 2...  It's getting to late.